Monday, March 28, 2011

Play it Again Sam

I'm writing this eulogy before she's even dead.  There's this step in the process of grieving that is different for a pet when you've made the decision to euthanize her.  You grieve first for the decision.  Then you grieve for the loss.  Since we've been good-bying her since Friday, I've been processing her life and the impact it had on our day to day lives as a family.

Samantha also gave me the first real feeling of being a family with Mr. Palindrome.  I'd been thinking a lot about what it meant to be a baby family on our own and figuring out when it felt real.  The first time was when we snuggled all together on a weekend morning in bed.  Samantha perched herself on Mr. Palindrome's chest, purring as the sun peeked through the partially drawn shade.  I burrowed under Mr. Palindrome's arm our feet intertwined.  Then he called us "his girls."

Tomorrow morning, we'll be taking our girl to the vet.  We'll be ending her difficult decline into renal kidney failure.  In many ways I'm relieved to not have to hear her lips smacking, wet with mucous; to not have to watch as she stumbles off balance; and to not have to get up in the middle of the night to check on her just because I got a bad feeling.  Yet I'm also heartbroken to have to make the choice and to become a two person family again.

My dear squishy face, your momma and daddy love you!
Samantha Jordan
1995-2011

Thank you to our lovely blog and twitter friends who have been so kind this week.  Your hearts for animals and your sympathy are much appreciated.  I hope to join you again as a mom to a fur baby when the sting of our first family pet loss has lessened a bit.  Much love to you all.

PS - Last night, Sam slept on my chest the entire night and put her paw on my heart.  Thank goodness for those little signs of peace and love.

13 comments:

  1. Ack, the p.s. nearly made me cry. I'm so sorry Melinda, I can only imagine how hard it must be and I'm sending you courage and love :(

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  2. We're so sorry for your loss. She has lived a long, happy life, and I'm sure y'all know you're doing what's right. She's a beautiful cat, and you've written beautiful words about her here. Hugs to you.

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  3. Oh Melinda, I am so sorry. I had a four year old grey cat that had the same thing happen. Kidney failure is so hard and so is the decision to put a pet down. My prayers are with you. Lots of hugs.

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  4. oh i'm so sorry to hear that but it's the best thing for her right? it's hard to even think that way. : (

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  5. Thanks y'all - your kind words mean a lot to us. Everyone at the vet's office was super nice and she was very peaceful when it happened. Still super hard.

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  6. Oh I'm so sorry. It's such a hard decision, but you know it when you know it. My thoughts are with you all.

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  7. Oh Sweet Lady, I'm thinking of you and I'll give my doggie and kitty an extra squeeze of love for Sam.

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  8. Oh my gosh, this made me cry. Losing a pet is such a hard thing, but you're making the right decision for her, to end her suffering. I'm so sorry for your loss :(

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  9. I'm so, so sorry. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. Hugs.

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  10. I'm so sorry, Melinda. It's such a hard thing to do. My husband and I had to make that decision for the first time back in November, and a dear friend who runs a shelter in her home told me, "Helping a beloved pet to cross is a way of taking her pain and making it yours." So true. Wishing you peace.

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  11. Thanks @Jess - that's a good insight!

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  12. I just saw this, Melinda. My heart is with you. I'm so sorry.

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